The company’s 2022 production of The Pirates of Penance provided another opportunity to reuse a cell phone song, with some minor revisions.

Sung to the tune of “When a Felon’s Not Engaged in His Employment”
          The Sergeant of Police’s song from Act II
Written by Steven Norquist, with revisions by Holly Windle
Performed alternately by Jacob Koshiol and John Orbison, along with members of the men’s chorus.

          When the actors are engaged in their employment,
                   their employment,
          While they’re singing songs in cultivated tones,
                   ‘vated tones,
          It facilitates the general enjoyment,
                   ‘ral enjoyment,
          If you first turn off your devices and your phones.
                    and your phones.

          Though you miss a loving message from your mother,
                    from your mother,
          Or a former girlfriend giving you what for,
                    you what for,
          Ah, have some consideration for each other,
                    for each other,
          Turn them off before the pirates come ashore.

           Ah, though technology may be a bit of fun,
                    bit of fun,
           Turn your cell phones off until the opera’s done.
                    opera’s done.

Sung to the tune of “When a Felon’s Not Engaged in His Employment”
     The Sergeant of Police’s song from Act II
Written by Steven Norquist
Performed by Christopher Michela for our 2011 production, along with Dean Laurance, John Orbison and Bruce Stasch

 When the actors are engaged in their employment,
          their employment,
 While they’re singing songs in cultivated tones,
          ‘vated tones,
 It facilitates the general enjoyment,
          ‘ral enjoyment,
 If you first turn off your pagers and your phones,
          and your phones.

 Though you miss a loving message from your mother,
          from your mother,
 Though you miss a private text from Number Four,
          Number Four,
 Ah, have some consideration for each other,
          for each other,
 Turn them off before the pirates come ashore.
 
  Ah, though technology may be a bit of fun,
          bit of fun,
 Turn your cell phones off until the opera’s done,
          opera’s done.

Sung to the tune of “When a Felon’s Not Engaged in His Employment”
    The Sergeant of Police’s song from Act II
Written by James Brooks
This alternative cell phone song was not used.

 I would like to take this time to make you welcome,
           Make you welcome,
  Ah, our show will make you cry and make you laugh,
           Make you laugh,
  Please refrain from eating, drinking, and don’t chew gum,
           And don’t chew gum,
   And please don’t forget to turn your cell phone off.
           Cell phone off.
  Yes, we know that Ruth is very hard of hearing,
           Hard of hearing,
  And your cell phone ringing makes it all the worse,
           All the worse,
  The beginning of our show, oh, we are nearing,
           We are nearing,
  So please mute it in your pocket or your purse..
  If it rings or chirps or plays Rachmaninoff,
           ‘aninoff,
  Just please don’t forget to turn your cell phone off,
           Cell phone off.