The company’s 2020 and 2022 productions of Ruddigore provided a third and fourth opportunity to reuse a cell phone song, as had been done with the 2018 production of Princess Ida and the 2016 production of Iolanthe.  Joe Andrews revised the 2009 lyrics, however, given the unique conceit of the 2020 and 2022 productions of Ruddigore, as a 1940s film of the golden age of cinema, sung by cast members costumed as movie theater ushers. The 2022 version of the song also acknowledged the ongoing experience of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Sung to the tune of “My Mind is Fully Open to my Awful Situation”
Robin, Mad Margaret and Sir Despard’s song from Act II
Written by Joe Andrews and Holly Windle
Performed by Kaitlin Klemencic, Sarah Shervey, and alternately by Jeff Erickson and Josh Weisenburger

We’re grateful to be back; it was an awf’lly long hiatus,
And there’s nothing like an audience to truly motivate us.
We would like to see your faces, but our protocol opposes
Seeing any skin at all but that which sits above the noses.

So we don’t know when you’re smiling
         (though we’ll see if you are napping).
But we love to hear your laughter (and perhaps a bit of clapping).
And even if you’re hoping for mementos or whatever,
Don’t you dare take out your cell phone to record us – I mean never.

What we’ll do is far more clever
Than your Instagram endeavor
You can TikTok for forever
But not here, we mean it: never.

So, don’t click it to be clever
For mementos or whatever
“No, no, no!” we say to cellphones never, never, ever, ever.
         (ever, ever, ever, ever…)

To summarize politely, here’s the gist of what we’re asking:
It’s a NO for using cellphones and a YES for thorough masking.
You endured the isolation (and this vocal appetizer)
And ensured our admiration when you got a shot from Pfizer.

So, no RINGing and no TEXTing, that would be anachronistic;
For its 1948 here – can’t you be more realistic?
So don’t ruin the illusion with a cellular intrusion
This is hard enough to follow without adding more confusion.

So don’t ruin the illusion
With a cellular intrusion
Can we get to the conclusion,
Without adding more confusion?

So don’t ruin the illusion
With a cellular intrusion
Can we get to the conclusion,
Without adding more confusion,
        fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion?

Sung to the tune of “My Mind is Fully Open to my Awful Situation”
          Robin, Mad Margaret and Sir Despard’s song from Act II
Written by Joe Andrews
Performed by Jeff Erickson, Danielle Long, Waldyn Benbenek

When you come to see a musical you want a happy ending,
For its disbelief (and common sense) you’re actively suspending.
          But there’s one thing that can ruin all the acting and the singing,
          It’s much worse than halitosis … it’s a telephone that’s ringing.
If you’re carrying a cell phone, that would be anachronistic,
For its 1948 here … can’t you be more realistic?
          So don’t ruin the illusion with a cellular intrusion,
          This is hard enough to follow without adding more confusion.

So don’t add to the confusion,
So don’t add to the confusion,
So don’t add to the confusion,
So don’t add to the confusion,
So don’t ruin the illusion with a cellular intrusion,
This is hard enough to follow without adding more confusion,
Fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion, fusion!

Sung to the tune of “My Eyes Are Fully Open to My Awful Situation”
Robin, Mad Margaret and Sir Despard’s song from Act II
Written by James Ahrens
Performed by James Ahrens, Waldyn Benbenek, Victoria Valencour

When you see an operetta, you expect it to be charming,
But there’s one thing that can happen that we all would find alarming.
        We require your attention when we’re acting and we’re singing,
        And that simply cannot happen while a telephone is ringing.
If you’re carrying a cell phone, please, just set it to be silent,
For if we hear it ringing, we just might become quite violent.
        And then they’d shut us down and we would have to call the show off,
        But that all could be avoided if you turn your telephone off.

So just turn your telephone off,
So just turn your telephone off,
So just turn your telephone off,
So just turn your telephone off,
So just turn your telephone off,
So just turn your telephone off,
So just turn your tele, tele, tele, tele, telephone off!