Sung to the tune of “When I First Put This Uniform On”
        Colonel Calverley’s song from Act I
Written by Holly Windle
Performed by Alessio Tranchell, Lowell Rice, and Robert Banks

When I first got my cell phone account,
I said, as I picked up the thing,

  “It’s one to a thousand
  I ever would drowse and

Just let it annoyingly ring.”
I turn the thing off when I go
To a concert, of course, or a show.

  For a ring tone intruding
  Can set a man brooding—

And dueling’s forbidden, I know.
So politeness must be paramount,
When you’re using your cell phone account.

There are clear rules of courtesy here
One never would try to surmount.
The guidance is crystal clear:
You must silence your cell phone account.