Sung to the tune of “I Cannot Tell What This Love May Be”
          Patience song from Act I
Written by Holly Windle
Performed by Kristen Bond and the Women’s Chorus

I cannot tell what that sound may be
That comes so distractingly to me.
It can’t be a cell phone’s brazen ring,
For who’d do that dreadful thing?

Could it be an i-pad or an app,
That’s cluelessly used by some poor sap?
It can’t be on purpose, that I know,
For you are all here to see the show.

For everyone can surely see
We might get distracted and sing off-key
By wondering what that sound may be.

But you are good and you are wise.
So spare us that grievously vexing surprise.
But you are good and you are wise
So I will not need to chide or scoff.
So I will not need to chide or scoff.

Yes, you are good and you are wise.
Yes, you are good and wise.
Yes, you are good and wise.
Just turn them off!

Fa la la . . .
Just turn them off!

Sung to the tune of “Your Maiden Hearts”
           The Duke’s song from Act I
Written by James Ahrens
This alternative cell phone song was not used in our production.

A cell phone’s ring
Is just the thing
To irritate when others sing
So please just do this simple thing
Turn Off your phone.

A ringing phone will make you groan
The consequences are well known!

So please do heed our anguished moan

Please heed our moan

Turn Off Your Phone

Sung to the tune of “When I First Put This Uniform On”
            Colonel Calverley’s song from Act I
Written by Holly Windle
This alternative cell phone song was not used in our production.

When I first got my cell phone account,
I said, as I picked up the thing,
            “It’s one to a thousand
            I ever would drowse and
Just let it annoyingly ring.”

I turn the thing off when I go
To a concert, of course, or a show.
            For a ring tone intruding
            Can set a man brooding
Though dueling’s forbidden, I know.
And politeness must be paramount,
When you’re using your cell phone account.

Such a clear rule of courtesy we
Would never have tried to surmount.
The same thing occurred to me
When I first got my cell phone account.