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The assembled Company was very pleased when Malka Key, one of our Assistant Stage Managers, offered her contribution at our 2014 Last Gasp Cast Bash. Malka sang a delightful synopsis of our production of The Grand Duke, to the tune of “At the Outset I May Mention,” entirely from memory.
This was the fourth time that Malka had sung a summary of the plot of the operetta that we had just presented, having done so in 2011, after the company’s production of The Pirates of Penzance, in 2012 after the company’s production of Patience and in 2013 after the company’s production of The Yeomen of the Guard.
At the outset I may mention that, although it’s our intention
To present to you The Grand Duke, it may not be Gilbert’s best,
For the show is rather lengthy, so to emphasize its strengths, we
Cut some dialogue and songs and now present you with the rest.
Now, the plot’s primary fuel is the Statutory Duel:
Two men draw cards, and who’s lower now officially is dead,
While the one who draws the higher has an onus that is dire,
For whatever was the other’s now falls squarely on his head.
The grand duchy in this case is what the duel winner faces,
And to sort out who’s the duchess will be what the plot’s about,
Plus a troupe of actors vying to effect the Grand Duke’s dying –
They eat sausage rolls to prove that they’re conspirators devout.
At this junction, I may mention that the plot will twist and turn,
And you’ll need your full attention to successfully discern
Every wedding who is in it, for it changes by the minute,
Ere we scarcely can begin it, and there’s four that come in turn.
Ludwig, earning much invective, spills the plot to a detective.
When the notary suggests a plan the actors all are thrilled.
Here, a statutory duel, he explains, will be their tool:
Ernest “dies” so they can blame him for the plot that Ludwig spilled.
Off to Rudolf Ludwig hurries, but he finds the duke in flurries,
For he’s just found out his subjects have a plot against his head.
Once again, a duel’s the action – Ludwig gets his satisfaction.
As he’s now the duke, the actors’ plot will target him instead.
The next day, the act’s expiring, so they feel safe in conspiring,
But, besides an ace, it turns out Ludwig’s something up his sleeve,
For the moment he’s ascended to the throne, the law’s amended
To go on a hundred years before the losers get reprieve.
To assist your comprehending, lest you think your memory’s loose,
I might add we changed the ending, and we added Dr. Seuss.
With a song that’s from Utopia, why, the show’s a cornucopia.
(Count on audience myopia not to notice the re-use.)
Ludwig’s hopes for Lisa falter, for now tripping to the altar
Come the ladies who were plighted to the men who now are spooks.
First with Julia, he’s entangled (though his aunt could end up strangled),
But the baroness supplants her as fiancée of the Duke’s.
As if this were not sufficient, ‘s though in brides we were deficient,
There is one more who’s off-stage until four songs before we’re free.
Twenty years past, Rudolph entered in a promise that was centered
On an infant bride – the Monte Carlon prince’s daughter, she.
He had been assured she’d never come and he’d be free forever,
For the prince was stony broke and was imprisoned by his debt,
But they come up with the payments and arrive in stately raiment,
And extol a lively game that they have come to call Roulette.
It now comes to their attentions that these aren’t ideal beaux,
And the notary now mentions that the law is Aces Low,
So the matching rearranges (and it’s here we made some changes),
But they’re happier exchanges, and we like a happy show.
One of the highlight’s of the Company’s 2014 production of The Grand Duke was Sarah Wind Richens hilariously “over-the-top” rendition of Julia’s Act II “I Have a Rival” scene. Her performance, as well as everyone’s contribution to the production, were celebrated at the Last Gasp Cast Bash, by Holly Windle, in the following alternate lyric song, sung to the tune of “This Will Be a Merry Court,” by Sarah Wind Richens, Michael Burton and members of the cast.
Ludwig and Chorus:
Oh, this was an exciting show where scenery was chewed.
Sing hey the merry minx of G and S Grand Duke!
Our Sarah rolled about the stage as if she were unglued.
Sing hey the merry minx of G and S Grand Duke!
We’ve seen her as a heroine with charm and sweetness gleaming,
But who knew she could also play such selfishness and scheming?
And not to mention panther prowls and fine hysteric screaming?
Sing hey the merry minx of G and S Grand Duke!
The merry, merry minx, etc. …
Sarah:
But hey! What we have got is like ensemble casting.
Don’t be extreme; we’re all a team,
And Joe is flabbergasting.
If glory you allot, I’ll have to make an edit:
Off stage and on, no prima donn-
as! Everyone gets credit.
Chorus:
If she means us, we will not fuss.
We’ll simply add, “You said it!”
Ludwig:
Okay, I take your point—since uniforms and dresses
Did not appear by magic here,
And backstage has its stresses.
Hence, all the effort’s joint—one big collaboration.
But for the rhyme, just one more time
We’ll sing the acclamation!
Chorus:
We can’t retreat; we must repeat
Our previous ovation.
Huzzah, huzzah, huzzah, huzzah! Indeed, indeed, indeed
Ludwig and Chorus:
Oh, this was an exciting show …
A particularly delightful aspect of the Company’s 2014 production of The Grand Duke was the show’s costuming. Costumer Tom Lydeen assembled an astounding one hundred Dr. Seuss inspired, bright and colorfully creative costumes for the production.
Holly Windle extended the Company’s appreciation to Tom for his wonderfully successful efforts in an alternate lyric song, sung to the tune of “Come, Bumpers, Aye, Ever So Many,” by Deb Haas and members of the cast.
Deb:
Come, costumes, aye, ever so many,
Outrageously vibrant and fun.
Our store rooms have saved us a penny,
And some principals, principals wear only one.
The whimsical look is appealing,
And Tom did incredible work.
But the cleavage lines are so revealing
That some modest women they irk.
The downside is at intermission,
When orchestra mingles with cast.
For the ones in a costume transition, transition
Can’t hobnob as done in the past.
But costumes, aye, ever so many—
Outrageously vibrant and fun.
Our store rooms have saved us a penny,
And some principals wear only one.
Chorus:
But costumes, aye, ever so many—
Outrageously vibrant and fun.
Our store rooms have saved us a penny,
And some principals wear only one.
Deb:
I once thought so much costume changement
Would be a most difficult trick.
In the dressing-rooms’ crowded arrangements,
We’ve learned to be chummy, quite chummy, and quick!
Grand Duke’s a heroic endeavor,
So kudos to Lori and Joe!
Our team was so Seussic’ly clever, yes, clever—
Perhaps overwhelmingly so.
The audience finds it confusing
When chorus men turn to dragoons.
—That’s unless our Act Two finds them snoozing, yes, snoozing,
Despite all these rollicking tunes.
But costumes, aye, ever so many—
They said that it couldn’t be done.
But our show was the rival of any,
And turned out successful and fun!
Chorus:
But costumes, aye, ever so many—
They said that it couldn’t be done.
But our show was the rival of any,
And turned out successful and fun!
Among Tom Lydeen’s many delightful costumes, a favorite for many were the ridiculously silly, very Suess-like costumes worn by the Grand Duke’s Chamberlains.
Holly Windle shared her appreciation for these costumes in the following alternate lyric song, sung to the tune of “The Good Grand Duke,” by the members of the Chamberlain chorus.
Our walk is silly, but we’ve sure got poise;
We’re older versions of those munchkin boys,
With wigs of stunning ugliness that everyone enjoys.
As we walk, we hear that welcome laughter noise.
We’re quite adorable, as everyone admits,
So it’s deplorable we have to call it quits.
But now the show is over so we must find other ploys—
Not walks cartoonish done with grace and poise.
Not walks (extend and waggle one foot)
Not walks cartoonish done with grace and poise.
The Grand Duke’s Chamberlains!
It’s happened to most performers … a dreaded moment when one forgets their lines or lyrics in the middle of a performance. It happened once … or maybe twice … to Don Barbee, who played Ernest in our 2014 production of The Grand Duke, as he sang, “Were I a King in Very Truth.” Instead of simply not singing, however, Don surprised his fellow cast members … and, no doubt, a few audience members … by singing some non-sense syllables until he finally recalled the words.
Elizabeth Ashantiva poked some good natured fun at Don with the following alternate lyric “scat” song, sung to the tune of “Were I a King in Very Truth,” by Don himself, joined by members of the chorus.
Ernest:
I aim to sing the very truth
And spit the words from my big tooth
In probable succession.
I’ll teach you patience,
Teach you tact,
How promptly in a fix to act,
When I forget, in point of fact, the lyrical progression
I don’t remember half the words
(Despite that it’s my theme song.)
The lyrics I’ll replace with turds
And scat like Louie Armstrong
I’ll scat like Louie Armstrong.
Oh the Dabada Sabada Sweebada sue
And Shabada Nabada Neebada new
A Mamana Famana Lamana late
(Oh Crimany!) tuppeny state!
Chorus:
Oh the Dabada Sabada sweebada sue
And Shabada Nabada Neebada new
A Mamana Famana Lamana late
Oh suffer this state, suffer this state, this poor state!
Ernest:
A few words here … I skip.
I don’t think … I’ll slip,
But that’s a wishful fable.
I’ll pull this off with great finesse,
Although it’s causing me distress.
I wish that I could hide behind the sausage rolls or table.
I don’t remember half the words
(Despite that it’s my theme song.)
The lyrics I’ll replace with turds
And scat like Louie Armstrong.
I’ll scat like Louie Armstrong.
Oh the Dabada Sabada sweebada sue
And Shabada Nabada Neebada new
Oh doobee oh doobee oh doodoo behind
Oh syrup and Europe combined!
Chorus:
Oh the Dabada Sabada sweebada sue
And Shabada Nabada Neebada new
Oh doobee oh doobee oh doodoo behind
Oh syrup with Europe and Ireland combined!
Elizabeth Ashantiva also celebrated the “atmosphere” of life on the stage in the follow alternate lyric song, sung to the tune of “My Goodness Me” by Michael Burton and members of the chorus.
Women (waving the air in disgust):
My goodness me! What shall we do? Why, what a dreadful situation!
Men (to each other):
It’s all your fault, you stinky poo – you lump of indiscrimination!
Women:
I’m sure I don’t know where to go – it’s put me into such a tetter!
Men:
But, this at all events I know, the sooner we are off the better!
Women:
Yes, the sooner off the better!
Ernest:
What means this agitato? What is this reek?
As our Grand Duke elect I bid you speak.
Ludwig:
Ten minutes since I met a chap, a chorus man behind the curtain.
This gentleman, upon his face, he had a giant smile for certain.
And then I heard a rumbling ruckus coming from his trembling tuckus,
He continued (I don’t embellish) by breaking wind with obvious relish.
Chorus:
Why, gracious powers, what chum of ours could rip a giant fart with relish!
No chum of ours could rip, could rip a giant fart with relish!
Ludwig:
Then, quite disturbed, I let him know,
That this required some more explaining,
This chorus man, he chuckled much,
He found the sound quite entertaining.
I told him stop, the smell was off, I bade him halt – he said he would –
But when across the stage he darted, the more that flapping flatus farted!
Chorus:
A skunk could sniff with just a fleeting whiff the flapping farting flatus!
With just a fleeting, fleeting whiff the flapping farting flatus!
Ludwig:
Well, as he bow’d to his applause.
Down dropped he with hysteric bellow.
And that seemed right enough, because I am a devilish funny fellow.
Then suddenly, as still he gassed, It flashed on me that I had passed,
A vapor that that was quite impressive,
That cut through the entire collective.
Chorus: (Gasp!)
What folly fell to blast a smell —
What folly fell to blast a rancid smell past the entire collective!
What folly fell to blast a smell past the entire collective!
You cut the cheese, you ate some beans,
This air disease will make me wheeze,
You let her rip without a quip, and made a stinky breeze.
Pack up at once and off we go unless we’re anxious to exhibit ,
Our funky farts all in a row, and scare off the house in just one minute!
Pack up at once, off we go, pack up at once, off we go,
Pack up at once and off we go!
Jim Brooks has a reputation for writing alternate lyric songs which take the original lyrics in an unexpected, but particularly delightful direction. When the Baroness sings about bumpers in “Come Bumpers, Aye Every So Many,” Jim doesn’t think of drinking glasses filled to the brim … well, he does, but … he also thinks of a very different type of bumper indeed!
Jim wrote and sang the following alternate lyric song at our 2014 Last Gasp Cast Bash.
Lenny:
Come, people — I’m “Auto Parts” Lenny,
And I own my own Auto Parts Store.
If you’re looking for parts, I have many,
Both new and from 19 and seventy four!
Old seats for your prize Carmen Ghia,
And for ev’ry conceivable Ford,
When you come to the store I can promise,
You’ll never, no never be bored.
O yes, Big Wheel Rossi and others,
When up to the counter you get,
For you’re thinking when buying a knock off, you swallow,
You know it will cost quite a bit!
So bumpers – I’ve ever so many –
For your Caddie and Chevy and more!
My price, it will cost you just pennies,
Buy new or from seventy four!
Chorus:
Yes, bumpers –He’s ever so many –
For our Caddie and Chevy and more!
His price, it will cost us just pennies,
Buy new or from seventy four!
Lenny:
I once ran an opera comp’ny,
‘Twas (GSOC very light),.
And I had eight or ten “stars”, all jumpy,
I couldn’t, I couldn’t enjoy shows each night.
I made a heroic endeavor,
To give each their wish but in vain,
And I vow’d that I’d never – oh never –
Would do that job ever again!
Oh C in each act, she must dress change
And F claims all hoydens as hers
If I could survive a light opera crew.
I can do anything, nothings’ worse,
So bumpers – I’ve ever so many –
For your Beetle and Prius and more,
For I know you can always find any,
Buy new or from seventy four!
Chorus:
Yes, bumpers – He’s ever so many –
For our Beetle and Prius and more
For we know we can always find any,
Buy new or from seventy four!
Our company has had a long-standing tradition of cast parties after almost every performance. This alternate lyric, sung to the tune of “Your Highness, There’s a Party at the Door,” was written by Holly Windle in recognition that this tradition sometimes has its “downside” … the parties are not always helpful to the health of the cast!
This song was performed at the Spring 2003 Last Gasp Cast Bash, by Kathryn Larsen and members of the chorus.
Chorus:
My goodness, there’s a party every show.
My goodness, every show there is a party.
Old timers now expect it,
So we do not dare neglect it,
Though it can be rather tedious, we know.
Though colds and throat infections may be rife,
Our post-performance gatherings are hearty.
And despite some cancellations,
There are many celebrations.
Oh, the theater is very much like life.
The theater is very much like life.
Baroness:
With feelings paradoxical I’m tossed.
These party opportunities are great,
But my sleep is necessary or I’m lost;
The show demands that I must concentrate.
So however many go, there is a quorum;
And those party themes are trouble, so ignore ‘em.
If you leave by midnight, thanks to good decorum,
Your energy you’ll thus invigorate.
Chorus:
Oh, however many go, there is a quorum;
If the themes are too inscrutable, ignore ‘em,
But it’s hard to leave by midnight with decorum.
Instead we count on simply sleeping late.
Whether the “after the show” parties are good for the health of the cast or not, they do take place and occasionally get a bit out of hand!
The following alternate lyric song, was also performed at the Spring 2003 Last Gasp Cast Bash, by Kathryn Larsen with members of the chorus.
Chorus:
Good Heavens, there’s a party on the floor!
Good Heavens, on the floor there is a party!
They are making such a racket,
And we don’t think we can hack it,
‘Cause we’ve been through all this nonsense twice before!
They’re singing G & S songs in the hall
We cannot understand without a gloss’ry.
So, we better call the super,
And tell her to bring a trooper
Or our baby won’t get any sleep at all!
Our baby won’t get any sleep at all!
Baroness:
With rage and indignation now I burn!
That Wally and his troupe are such a load!
They’re singing The Mikado near the ferns
I should really tell them all to “hit the road!”
Oh! Whatever they may do, it’s too much trouble;
I should throw them out or next month’s rent I’ll double!
Some have filched my stash of Double Bubble!
And they’re watching ancient Star Trek episodes.
Chorus:
Oh! Whatever we may do, we’re not much trouble!
But, we like to watch cartoons with Barney Rubble
Yes, we’re really, really fond of Double Bubble!
Right after we eat mince pie a la mode.
The following alternate lyric (another of Holly Windle’s) goes to the tune of The Prince of Monte Carlo’s “Roulette Song” and recognizes the “sad and sorry” lot of understudies. While a vitally necessary part of a production, they end up doing all of the work of a principal, but get none of the accolades!
This song was performed at the Spring 2003 Last Gasp Cast Bash.
The Prince of Monte Carlo:
Take my advice and spare your heart:
Don’t understudy any part.
At once distrust the offered chance
To learn the music, words, and dance.
For once you say you’ll do the role,
The thing is out of your control.
You get no glory, but – oh, yikes!
You must go on if illness strikes.
Allons encore, garçons fillettes –
It’s like a game of Russian roulette.
Hola, hola, hola, hola, hola!
Faisons nos jeux,
Allons, oh, merde
I’m not prepared
Golly, I’m scared.
Rien n’va plus!
La croix de guerre et D’Oyle Carte,
(Oh) Ready and waiting’s an art(e).
The understudies squirm and fret:
We all must play roulette!
Chorus:
The understudies squirm and fret:
We all must play roulette!
The Prince of Monte Carlo:
A little germ’s a threat indeed;
My happiness it may impede.
I call up Ethan every day
To ascertain if he’s okay.
And if perchance he starts to wheeze,
Just cut the trio, and – oh please –
I’ll keep my calm and will not chafe
Here in the chorus where it’s safe.
Allons encore, garçons fillettes
It’s like a game of Russian roulette.
Hola, hola, hola, hola, hola!
Faisons nos jeux,
Oh, à la carte,
I know the part
Almost by heart.
Rien n’va plus!
Tra la la la – I’ve dodged the bullet!
The chicken is me – I’m a pullet.
From villain down to sweet soubrette,
We all must play roulette.
Chorus:
From villain down to sweet soubrette,
We all must play roulette!
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