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A firmly established tradition of the Gilbert & Sullivan Very Light Opera Company’s annual Last Gasp Cast Bash has become Assistant Stage Manager Malka Key’s performance of a synopsis of the production, sung to the tune of one of the songs from the show.
Malka’s contribution in 2016, following the company’s production of Iolanthe, was sung to the tune of the Lord Chancellor’s Nightmare Song … and done entirely from memory!
When you’re picking a show, then as some of you know
If you ask me, at once without pondering
Iolanthe’s the play I will instantly say
To indulge in, with no chances squandering.
With a chorus of fairies (the costuming varies)
And peers who are ripe for lampooning,
It’s a show that’s a treat, so reserve up your seat —
This one even beats heavy dragooning.
Iolanthe’s a fairy who wanted to marry
A mortal, which act is forbidden
And she should have been dead; what the queen did instead
Was to spare her if she would stay hidden.
Well it’s been many years, and the fairies in tears
Ask if she could by now be un-banished
Once their queen gives assent, enters Strephon, intent
On good cheer, but the fairies have vanished.
Well, he tells us all how at the court only now,
Although singing and fippleflute waving,
He was thrown all in vain into Chancery Lane,
So the upshot with Phyllis he’s braving.
In the meantime the chorus of men come before us.
They march in proclaiming their station.
And the Chancellor explains all their heartaches and pains,
How for Phyllis they’ve all adoration,
So they summon her in, her affection to win
And she tries to politely deflect them.
Strephon enters with verve, and they leave to preserve
All their dignity, though she rejects them.
Then the act I finale, by generous tally
Takes something like half of the pages,
It’s a great chorus battle with polyglot prattle
That’s all by itself worth your wages.
Strephon broken of heart seeks his mother apart
So the men think he’s fondling another.
Phyllis turns to the peers, where her breaking heart veers,
Although Strephon protests she’s his mother.
Well this he can’t stand, so he throws up his hand
And he summons his fairy alliance.
To the lords’ great dismay, into Parliament they
Say he’ll go in a show of defiance.
They shake in their shoes at the hideous news
Of what Strephon’s accomplished in Parliament,
For whatever he wills in his measures and bills
Is accomplished at once without argument.
All the fairies enchanted by peers aren’t granted
Their wish, for the queen enters chiding
The fairies for pouring their feelings adoring
On mortals, their duty eliding.
Then the two peers agree that by Friendship’s decree
They should yield Phyllis back to the chanc’lor,
So they go and persuade him to not be afraid
Of himself and appeal to romance her.
Enters Strephon, and we see him tell Phyllis he
Is a fairy waist up, which explains things
They agree they will wed, but remember with dread
How the Chancellor’s veto constrains things.
Iolanthe tries aiding, recalling the fading
Mementos he has of their wedding,
But just as she fails and is lifting her veils,
Looms the queen, and the doom she is dreading.
To the queen’s great chagrin, all the fairies rush in.
They’ve each married a peer, though they’re perfectly clear
By the law they all die, but the queen gives a sigh,
For that’s clearly absurd. They insert just one word
So now everyone’s dead if not mortally wed.
The queen needs to espouse, Private Willis allows
That he ought to accede to a female in need,
And the peers all agree they will marry.
So the problem is fixed, peers and fairies are mixed
And, as if they’re on springs, all the peers sprout new wings:
Every one of them now is a fairy
This alternate lyric song was written by Holly Windle and sung to the tune of “Spurn Not the Nobly Born,” in tribute to our volunteers and the hours they spent, gluing “jewels” and “ermine” on the peer’s crowns for our 1992 production of Iolanthe.
It was performed at that show’s Last Gasp Cast Bash by Tom Barth and the men’s chorus.
This “classic” alternate lyric song was also performed at the company’s 2016 Last Gasp Cast Bash by Eric Mellum and the men’s chorus, with slightly revised text. While the costumer handled the crown construction for this production, the company members used glue guns to build the fairy wings. “Prop construction” was changed to “costuming construction,” “crown production” became “fairy wing production” and “attaching jewels and bead” became “attach the wire it needs.” Otherwise, the song remained as originally written.
Spurn not the simple joys
Of prop construction;
Gladly your hands employ
In crown production.
Attaching jewels and bead–
How well the work proceeds.
Using a tool that needs
No introduction.
Glue gun! Glue gun!
It’s work and play combined;
Burnt fingers we don’t mind;
The trigger grip is fun!
Glue gun! Ah, glue gun!
Spare us your praises loud
Of glues you’ve spread or squirted.
No substitutes allowed,
You hear it now asserted.
Contact cement, good-bye!
Elmer’s we will not try!
Our standards are too high
Now we’ve converted.
Glue gun! Glue gun!
It takes some time to heat,
But, oh, the waiting’s sweet.
The trigger grip is fun!
Glue gun! Ah, glue gun!
The company’s 2016 production of Iolanthe was dazzling … quite literally dazzling with glitter! Glitter was included in the costumes, the props and the makeup.
As lovely as it made the production, it did have its downside as, not only was there glitter all over the stage and theater, but company members reported finding glitter everywhere else as well … in their cars, in their homes, in their workplaces and even on their loved ones!
The following tribute to the show’s glitter was written by Jo Pasternack and was performed at the Last Gasp Cast Bash by Mackenzie Leavenworth, as Celia, Sarah Mehle, as Lelia, and the women’s chorus.
Fairies
Glitter hither, glitter thither
Nobody knows why or whither
We sure shed and we sure fling
Glitter on ‘most everything.
Celia
We are messy little fairies,
Always sparkly, always cloying.
We leave litter everywhere-y
In a fashion most annoying!
If you ask us not to litter
With our never-ceasing glitter,
We reply like any critter,
“We can’t help it!” with a titter.
Fairies
Yes, we answer with a titter, with a titter.
Glitter hither, glitter thither
Nobody knows why or whither
We sure shed and we sure fling
Glitter on ‘most everything.
Leila
If you ask us how we clean,
Keeping all our rooms pristine:
We can’t vacuum glitter up,
Catch it in a spitter’s cup
Hold it with a new lint roll,
Sweep it down a deep, dark hole,
Wipe it with a new, moist sponge.
It’s a challenge to expunge!
If you know how to remove it,
You must tell us and then prove it!
Fairies
Yes, you must then prove it!
Glitter hither, glitter thither
Nobody knows why or whither
We sure shed and we sure fling
Glitter on ‘most everything.
We are messy little fairies,
Always sparkly, always cloying.
We leave litter everywhere-y
In a fashion most annoying!
Most annoying, most annoying!
Glitter hither, glitter thither
Nobody knows why or whither.
One of the many beautiful elements in the company’s 2016 production of Iolanthe were the fairy wings, built with iridescent fabric and piano wire. The wings were attached to the fairies’ costumes and flapped realistically when the fairies danced.
As lovely as they were, however, the women’s chorus found them to be something of a challenge as they struggled to move around each other, and everyone and everything else backstage!
The following alternate lyric song, written by Holly Windle, described these difficulties and was performed at the 2016 Last Gasp Cast Bash by the Fairy Queen’s understudy, Sarah Shervey and the women’s chorus.
The song also made reference to the men’s wings, also built with iridescent fabric and piano wire, which made a surprise appearance in the Act II Finale when the peers transformed into fairies.
Fairy Queen
Oh, festooned fay –
Our lovely wings
I have to say
Are pesky things.
They block the way
With awkward swings.
These wings may flap
With fairy grace
Or give a slap
Across the face.
A handicap
In narrow space.
A handicap in narrow space.
Oh, narrow space
Jammed in with lordly fellows.
Too many wings
Are in the wings,
Imperiling the cellos.
Chorus
Oh, narrow space,
Jammed in with lordly fellows.
Fairy Queen
Too many wings
Are in the wings,
Imperiling the cellos.
And at the end,
The peers convert.
As wings extend,
We stay alert.
They might unbend
And cause some hurt.
And if perchance
They spring too soon,
We’ll give a glance,
But never swoon.
We’ll do our dance
And sing our tune.
We’ll do our dance and sing our tune.
Oh, sing a tune.
Maintain the stage illusion.
Whate’er our flaws,
There’s loud applause
At every show’s conclusion.
Chorus
Oh, sing a tune.
Maintain the stage illusion.
Fairy Queen
Whate’er our flaws,
There’s loud applause
At every show’s conclusion.
Chorus
Conclusion
Ticket sales were very brisk well before the company’s 2016 production of Iolanthe opening. It was clear that the show was going to be well attended and the entire run was, in fact, sold out by the second weekend.
Despite this fact, many kept calling the ticketing staff in the hope that maybe … just maybe … there might still be some tickets held in reserve. More than that, some of these tardy audience hopefuls also wanted to make special requests for seating. Sadly, few of these ticket or special requests could be filled.
One hopes that it was a lesson learned … Gilbert & Sullivan Very Light Opera Company productions are very popular. If you want tickets, you’d best order early!
This situation was delightfully parodied in the following alternate lyric song, written by Holly Windle and sung by Sarah Wind Richens and the men’s chorus.
Phyllis
You want six tickets Friday night?
Men
That’s right!
Phyllis
But we’re sold out.
That goes for Sunday, second row.
Men
Oh, no!
Phyllis
No need to pout.
You can’t have seven on the aisle.
Men
That’s vile!
Phyllis
Please do not shout!
And, no, you can’t stand in the back.
Men
Alack!
Phyllis
You’ll do without.
Men
Lovely ticket matron,
Can’t you help this patron?
Bribery and pleading,
But with hopes receding.
Yes, hopes are,
hopes are receding, receding.
Yes, alas, it’s all sold out.
Yes, alas, it’s all sold out!
In the company’s 2016 production of Iolanthe, both Strephon and Phyllis appeared on stage carrying matching stuffed lambs … Strephon’s had a blue ribbon, Phyllis’ had a pink.
Of special note, when Sarah Wind Richens, who played Phyllis, and Eric Sargent, who played Strephon, came out for their curtain call at the end of the show, they carried their lambs, which had sprouted small fairy wings, like the rest of the cast!
The advantages of carrying stuffed sheep … as opposed to their live counterparts were described in the following alternate lyric song, which was written by Holly Windle and sung by Sarah Wind Richens and Eric Sargent.
Strephon
If the sheep are sweet, not scary,
Light to carry, they will do.
Real live sheep would squirm and jostle—
Never docile, and might poo.
Arcadian lambs are cleaner,
Calm demeanor. Quiet, too.
Modern sheep are marked with techware,
Not just neckwear, pink and blue.
Phyllis
If the sheep are soft, not hairy,
They’ll be very cuddly too.
Lugging lambs each time we enter,
Meet at center; kiss and coo.
Some might say the lambs upstage us.
That’s outrageous, and untrue!
We’re more sexy altogether:
Jeans of leather, cleavage too.
Both
Ah! Ah!
Lambs get nervous nearing Easter.
(Be a feast—or join a zoo.)
But these lambs aren’t ordinary,
They’ll turn fairy, ram and ewe.
Phyllis Strephon
Ram and ewe! Since with jokes of sheep and shepherd
I’ve been peppered, now I’m through.
Both
No, these lambs aren’t ordinary;
They turn fairy, ram and ewe.
And in fields imaginary.
They are very overdue.
So in answer to your query,
We can’t tarry. We can’t tarry.
Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo. So adieu!
As Benjamin Franklin once said, “In this world nothing can be certain except for death and taxes.” The Gilbert & Sullivan Very Light Opera Company might add to that insight, “… yes, that and Waldyn Benbenek playing the role of Lord Mountararrat!”
Waldyn, in fact, has played the role of Mountarrart in all four of the company’s productions of Iolanthe, beginning in 1981, 1992, 2004 and, once again, in 2016. This means that he was playing the role before many of the 2016 production cast members were born!
This reality, as well as allusions to a few other peculiarities of the 2016 production, were detailed in the following alternate lyric song, written by Holly Windle and sung by Waldyn’s understudy, Alexander Gerchak, and the chorus.
Mountararrat
I’ve sung this song before, you know.
(Perhaps before your birth.)
It’s not a dazzling patter song,
And some might think it overlong
And destitute of mirth.
But Gilbert’s clever wit’s the thing.
That’s why I mostly stand and sing.
Yes, Gilbert’s clever wit’s the thing.
That’s why I mostly stand and sing.
Chorus:
Yes, Gilbert’s clever wit’s the thing.
So Wally has to stand and sing.
Mountararrat
Behind me as I sing this song,
There’s action I can’t see.
For Wellington (and not the Duke)
Makes gestures Joe did not rebuke
But he’s upstaging me.
The flags move stealthy hand to hand,
While I am noble, calm, and grand.
The flags move stealthy hand to hand,
While I am noble, calm, and grand.
Chorus:
The flags move stealthy hand to hand,
While he is noble, calm, and grand.
Donald Barbee played the Lord Chancellor in our 2004 production of Iolanthe. He was accompanied on stage by eight year old Matthew Benbenek, who played his Trainbearer, and who danced along with him during his opening number, “The Law is the True Embodiment.” The number was well received, not only because of Donald’s excellent performance, but also due to Matthew’s “cute factor.”
Holly Windle wrote the following alternate lyric song in acknowledgement of the challenge one faces when appearing with “kids or dogs” on stage.
The song was performed at that show’s Last Gasp Cast Bash by Donald’s understudy, Stephen Hage, accompanied by his dancing eight year old daughter, Madeleine.
This song has the key ingredients
Of wit and charm and excellence.
But who hears words or what they mean
When charming children steal the scene?
A leading character actor knows
That kids and dogs are tough in shows.
They’re quite unpredictable, and to boot
The audience loves them, they’re so cute.
Unpleasant competition for
The person who’s playing Lord Chancellor
Unpleasant competition for the person who’s playing Lord Chancellor.
And anyone who’d caper and prance
With kids in tow is taking a chance.
It obviously can’t be denied
That it has its inconvenient side.
Though I’m not as small, and not as blond,
And I am indeed of this child quite fond,
I’d still appreciate eyes on me
For this entrance song in a minor key.
Just more exasperation for
The person who’s playing Lord Chancellor.
Just more exasperation for the person who’s playing Lord Chancellor.
Directors think it’s a dandy thing
That youth of course must have its fling.
The dancing child is a great device,
But adult actors pay the price.
Yet just one song — well, let me see,
Perhaps that’s not such agony.
To share is generosity —
And cuteness perhaps may rub off on me.
Which is another triumph for
The person who’s playing Lord Chancellor.
Which is another triumph for the person who’s playing Lord Chancellor.
“Spurn Not the Nobly Born,” is a song that seems to lend itself particularly well to alternate lyrics.
The following alternate lyric song, with its humorous take on the company’s life backstage was written by Tom Berg for the 2016 Last Gasp Cast Bash. It was sung by by Eric Mellum and the men’s chorus.
Tolloller
I know a place to rest when you are not performing;
Here peers and peris, all, their backsides can be warming;
When you come off the rake, (there’s) fudge, jellybeans, and cake,
Tasty enough to make the ants come swarming.
Chorus
Green Room! Green Room!
The chatter keeps you loose,
But eating will produce
Triglycerides that zoom,
Thanks to the Green Room!
Tolloller
Right over here sits Jo, who fixes costume trivia,
Joined once a year by her ingenious dog, Olivia;
She’ll mend a torn crotch, take in your waist a notch,
Help, which she’ll never botch, she’s glad to give ya.
Chorus
Green Room! Green Room!
But on the hours roll,
‘Til just one lonely soul
Is left there to vacuum,
And clean the Green Room!
Jim Brooks also used “Spurn Not the Nobly Born,” for his alternate lyric song, focusing on the theme of blood … blue or otherwise! This song was sung at the company’s 2016 Last Gasp Cast Bash by Eric Mellum and the men’s chorus.
Tolloller
Spurn not the Old Red Cross
When we-e come collecting,
You’ll never feel the loss
Light-headed you’re expecting.
Ah! If your type is “O”
We want it don’t you know!
Lie down here, hurry Joe!
We’ll start connecting!
Give blood! Give blood!
Mosquitos tickled pink
And vampires get a drink
They’ll all be feeling good
Give blood! They love blood!
Chorus
Mosquitos tickled pink
And vampires get a drink
They’ll all be feeling good
Give blood! They love blood!
Tolloller
There’s just a little pain
Despite our denials
We always find a vein
Through many trials.
Your heart can pump more blood
It’s beating very good
So if you’re in the mood
Give seven vials!
Give blood! More blood!
We’ll give you juice or pop
It’s not yet time to stop
We’re Careful, It won’t flood,
Give blood! Ah, yes blood!
Chorus
We’ll give you juice or pop
It’s not yet time to stop
We’re Careful, It won’t flood,
Give blood! Ah, yes blood!
Gilbert named his character “Strephon,” using a traditional name for the male lover in pastoral poetry, as had poets in the past, including Jonathan Swift and Sir Philip Sidney. While there is a literary precedent for his having done so … still, the name does strike modern audiences as a bit unusual.
Jim Brooks had some fun with the character’s name in the following alternate lyric song which he wrote for the Company’s 2004 Last Gasp Cast Bash. The sung was sung by members of the Company to the tune of “The Lady of My Love.”
Strephon
Hello! My name is Strephon and there isn’t any other!
Peers
Oh My! Is Strephon a strange name!
Strephon
I know my name is odd, but it was given by my mother!
Peers
It’s a riddle. Tell a little more we say!
Strephon
My mother uses extra “R’s” in names that she has given.
My brothers’ and my sisters’ names with many “R’s” are livin’.
Our friends who must refer to us correctly hard have striven.
Peers (laughing)
Tell a little, tell a little more today!
Queen (sternly)
It’s cruel to make fun of Streve, his sisters and his brothers.
Fairies
That’s right! Our Strephon’s not so strange!
Queen
It’s not their faults they have such names, it really is their mother’s!
Fairies
Tell a little, tell a little more we say!
Lord Chancellor
The names of Trom and Drick and Sram and Rernest are his brothers’.
His sister names are Mrary, Jrill, and Bretty Srue, Oh Brother!
This fixation with extra “R’s” is not his Dad’s, it’s Mother’s!
It’s a riddle, It’s a riddle …
Chorus
Whew! Oi Vai!
Lord Tolloller
All I say is “What’s the use!”
It is just a lame excuse, to use “R’s” like the beginning of “repente”
Other letters she may hate, but I think they’re really great!
I’m enamored by the other five and twenty!
Chorus
For she may love the “R” but he adores the five and twenty!
Oh my! This all is very strange!
Lord Mountararat
Now listen here to me, And I know you’ll plainly see
By my word, no one at all “contradicente”
Her children, I relate, that she birthed, they total eight.
Plenty times to use the other five and twenty!
Chorus
For she has birthed eight kids and she eschews the five and twenty!
To say his mother’s crazy wouldn’t make us very jolly
Oh my! This all is very strange!
We know it’s Iolanthe and it isn’t Hello Dolly!
It’s a riddle, It’s a riddle more each day!
We wouldn’t say a thing where she could sue our butts for slander
So to left and right and back around this stage we do meander.
And yet we sing in pianissimo and utmost candor.
She’s a little, she’s a little odd we say!
Along with the cast and production staff, members of the Gilbert & Sullivan Very Light Opera Company’s orchestra also make their contributions the to the company’s alternate lyric concert.
The following song, written by violinist Karen Neinstedt, was sung to the tune of the Act I Finale, beginning with “Henceforth Strephon, Cast Away,” and was performed at the company’s 2016 Last Gasp Cast Bash by both orchestra and cast members.
Hallway cases put away
Winds and brass and drums will play
Horns and strings that bleat and bow
In the darkened pit we shall go!
In the darkened pit we shall go!
Randy’s our supreme authority
He commands a large majority
In the darkened pit, in the darkened pit
Darkened pit, darkened pit, we shall go-
In the darkened pit we shall go!
In the darkened pit we’re live!
Bows or over’ture we thrive
Flat or Sharp – I don’t know
In the darkened pit we shall go!
In the darkened pit we shall go!
Randy’s our supreme authority
No one else deserves our loyalty
In the darkened pit, in the darkened pit
Darkened pit, darkened pit, we shall go-
In the darkened pit we shall go!
In the darkened pit, in the darkened pit
Darkened pit, darkened pit, we shall go-
In the darkened pit we shall go!
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