H.M.S. Pinafore

A well-established tradition of our annual Last Gasp Cast Bash has become Assistant Stage Manager Malka Key’s contribution of a synopsis of our production sung to the tune of one of the songs from the show.  

In 2015, and again in 2023, following our production of H.M.S. Pinafore, Malka sang her song, to an appreciative audience, to the tune of “When I Was a Lad.”  She did so entirely from memory.

In Pinafore, there is Josephine:
As captain’s daughter, she is caught between
From above wooed by the fleet’s first lord
From below it’s by a sailor, Ralph, who works onboard.

(And the captain’s thing for Buttercup can’t be ignored.)

From the sailor to the captain, there’s despondency,
But be assured the plot will end up happily.

When Ralph determines to plead his case,
Knowing Josephine is far above his place,
His proffered love she at once rejects,
Interspersed by brief asides in which she introspects.

(Simple eloquence Ralph perorates to great effects.)

Asides to us reveal her depth of agony,
But be assured the plot will end up happily.

Ralph turns to suicide to end his run.
Josephine rushes in as he’s begun.
And the gun he steals to commit this deed
Is the only gun that Pinafore appears to need.

(There’s a cat of nine tails later on, we do concede.)

Now a gun as a prop portends fatefully,
But be assured the plot will end up happily.

Dick Deadeye tells of their plan to fly
In the night to seal up their marriage tie.
The captain intercepts the pair’s farewell,
But he swears at them and ends up in a dungeon cell.

(For Sir Joseph disapproves of using language fell.)

So he breaks his vow not to use a “D,”
But be assured the plot will end up happily.

When Joseph learns Ralph’s plan, distress,
Pain, amazement, and surprise his eyes express.
But then Buttercup says what she’s concealed
Is she switched Ralph and the Captain, which must be repealed.

(And we overlook the aging gaps that she’s revealed.)

This swap lets everyone wed joyously
And that is how the plot will end up happily

Now patrons all, whatever shows you see,
If the characters seem all in misery
In a Gordian knot that they can’t unspool,
Be careful not to overlook this simple rule:

(Plots of comic operettas can at times seem cruel.)

If perhaps two were transposed in infancy,
Then be assured the plot will end up happily.

There must be something about Gilbert and Sullivan’s songs that lend themselves to the creation of alternate lyrics! Stephen Hage’s first experience with Gilbert and Sullivan was his middle school’s production of H.M.S. Pinafore. After the show, a few of the cast members presented an alternate version of the show, with alternate lyrics, to the school choir, with the indulgence of the very patient choir teacher … who had also been the Music Director of the production. Suffice it to say that Josephine didn’t come to Ralph’s rescue and the presentation ended with an unhappy ending … for Ralph!

This very brief alternate lyric, resurrected from the distant past, was sung to the introduction of “I Am the Captain of the Pinafore,” by Scott A. Gorman, as the Captain, joined by the sailor’s chorus, at the 2023 Last Gasp Cast Bash.

Captain

My gallant crew, where are you?

Crew

Sir, we’re hiding!

Captain

(Eagerly) I hope you’ve all hid well.

Crew

Quite well, and you, sir?

Captain

I have found a reasonable place,
but I’m happy to look for you all once more!

Crew

You’ll never find us!

With any theater production, there are dozens of people who work “behind the scenes” to do all that is necessary to bring a show to the stage.  These unsung heroes include those who build sets, sew costumes, gather props and, of course, those who sell the tickets.

This song, written by Eric Pasternack, and sung to the tune of “I’m Called Little Buttercup,” was performed by Eric at the 2015 Last Gasp Cast Bash and by Amanda Jenkins at the 2023 Last Gasp Cast Bash.

Hail, audience folk, buyer of a ticket,
We’re here two hours a day to help you pick it.
You finally know what day you want to go
To see us in our Pinafore-ish show.

You called up the box office
There with your socks off, it
Seemed like you wanted to buy.
When I’m doing Box office,
There with my socks off, you
Make me feel I want to cry.

You ask me for Sunday, the previous Monday,
But Sunday’s been sold out for weeks.
You can’t find your tickets, your child has rickets,
Exchanging your tickets you seek.

You’ve dialed our number
Awoke me from slumber,
And waited on hold for a while,
I’ve answered inquiries and checked online diaries
And given you help with a smile.

So call up the box office, buy of your box office,
Patrons should never be shy.
So call up the box office, buy of your box office,
Come, of your box office buy.

Elizabeth Brandt and Kat Felicis Ioco, two members of the orchestra, sang the following alternate lyric song to the tune of “I’m Called Little Buttercup,” at the 2023 Last Gasp Cast Bash.

The song referred to the percussion “toys” that were played by cast members immediately offstage, in the orchestra pit, in the spirit of Spike Jones, during the productions’ planned “Never Mind the Why and Wherefore” encores. Elizabeth brought a large collection of toys with her, which were played be the company members during the final portion of the song.

Oh, we are the orchestra,
The little orchestra,
And we love playing for you!
But still, we’re the orchestra,
Just the poor orchestra,
Never on stage, it is true!

We have violin 1 and violin 2 fun,
And even a cello or two.
We love our deep basses and sweet cello faces,
And ‘specially our violas too!

Don’t forget the oboe, or clarinet in A,
Or the might timpani true.
The big old bassoon and keyboard in tune,
And flute playing mel’dy with you.

And then there’s the brass, who are really bad ass,
Leading the fanfares anon.
The secret sauce! Who plays like a boss,
On his accordion!

But when it comes down to fun,
Toys are for everyone,
And for us this is quite true!
We love when you join the pit,
Randy’s favorite bit,
Oh cast, we love you too!

Lesley Hendrickson, the Director of our 2015 production of H.M.S. Pinafore, set the operetta in 1942.  She felt that doing so, setting the story against the looming backdrop of World War II, aboard a ship that might not return from war, lent a poignancy to the operetta’s love stories.  

This change of time period, of course, resulted in a number of changes that had to be made to the show itself.  Sailors in the “Kings Navy” in 1942, for example, had to be clean shaven.  While all the men dutifully complied, doing so was something of a painful challenge for at least two of the perpetually bearded men of the company.

This song, written by Jim Brooks, and sung to the tune of “Kind Captain, I’ve Important Information,” was performed at the 2015 Last Gasp Cast Bash, by Jim Brooks and Wally Benbenek.

Jim:

Hey, Wally, Pinafore’s our show this season
And let me tell you something quite bizarre
It’s set in 1940’s for some reason
You’ll have to shave your beard to be a star

Wally:

I’ll have to shave my beard off, I’ll have to shave my beard off
I’ll have to shave my beard just to be a star!

Jim:

You’ll have to shave your beard off, you’ll have to shave,
You’ll have to shave your beard just to be a star!  

Wally:

Say, Jim, you play a sailor not a soldier
You’re not a Tommie, you’re a tar, what’s more
Your white beard made you look a little older
Although I know you’ll soon be 64.
Oh yes, a little older, oh yes, a little older  
Sing homage to the Beatles when you’re 64.

Jim:

Oh yes a little older.  A little old,
Sing homage to the Beatles when I’m 64.

Jim:

You’ve shaved, you say you look just like your father
His Polish chin you just may not adore
Each day you have to shave it’s such a bother
I wonder if you’ll grow your beard once more.

Wally:

I wonder if I’ll grow it.  I wonder if I’ll grow it.
Now that the show is over, will it grow once more?

Jim:

I wonder if you’ll grow it.  I wonder if?
Now that the show is over, will it grow once more?   

Wally:

Next year is Iolanthe and the setting
With Peer below and Peri up above
Could be the 1960’s, I am betting
With fairies singing “All You Need Is Love”!
With fairies softly singing, with fairies softly singing
Together with the Beatles, “All You Need is Love”!

Jim:

With fairies softly singing, with fairies sing.
Together with the Beatles, “All You Need Is Love”!

The Gilbert & Sullivan Very Light Opera Company proudly recognized its Tenth Anniversary with a celebration following the performance of H.M.S. Pinafore on April 13, 1989. This event included an on-stage presentation, a drawing for prizes and refreshments in the lobby.

As a part of the celebration, the company sang the following alternate lyric song, sung to the tune of “For He Is an Englishman.”

        Jim Hart and Fishel though lowly born,
        But obviously both men of vision,
        While risking unknown public scorn,
        And critics’ caustic, cruel derision,
        Did ten years since our company start.
        No one auditioned – Dick just enrolled us.
        We tried to emulate D’Oyly Carte.
        We are a G and S band – behold us!

        We are a G and S band.

        We are a G and S band.

        Dick Fishel himself has said it,
        And it’s greatly to his credit,
        “We must stay a G and S band.”
        “We must stay a G and S band.”

        For we might have sung songs in Roosian, Italian, French or Proosian,
        Or perhaps from Ireland.
        Or perhaps from Ireland.

        But in spite of all temptations to sing songs from other nations,
        We remain a G and S band,
        We remain a G and S band.

        For in spite of all temptations to sing songs from other nations,
        We remain a G and S band,
        We remain a G and S band.