Utopia, Limited
Our company’s staging of Utopia, Limited, in 2008, was a wonderful success, due, to a large extent, to the substantial revisions our company had made to the operetta. The following alternate lyric, written by Holly Windle and sung to the tune of “Society Has Quite Forsaken All its Wicked Courses,” detailed and celebrated those revisions. It should be noted that the song makes passing reference to Lesley Hendrickson, our Stage Director and Marina Liadova, our Music Director for this production, as well as a reference to what was our pending 2009 production of Ruddigore. It was performed at that show’s Last Gasp Cast Bash, by Waldyn Benbenek, accompanied by a chorus which included Timothy James, Jim Ahrens, Isaiah Waid, Victoria Valencour, Stephen Hage, Jim Brooks, Dave Ekenrode and Richard Rames. King Paramount: Society has not forgotten Pirates or Mikado, Chorus: But very few have taken on Utopia. King Paramount: We did it twenty years ago; it wasn’t quite successful. Chorus: It’s a problem with unwieldy old Utopia. King Paramount: The Company continued to produce the shows selected, Chorus: In short, the rewrite process has transformed the show completely King Paramount: We set about it logic’ly, not slashing willy-nilly. Chorus: No silliness allowed in our Utopia. King Paramount: The long first act finale we have suitably bombarded, Chorus: That’s progress for our “Flowers” in Utopia. King Paramount: The work of clever editing was handled by committee, Chorus: In short, the rewrite process has transformed the show completely King Paramount: We rearranged the second act, which used to rather bore us, Chorus: And Lesley helped a bit with the direction. King Paramount: The score revised, we labored then to print it and prepared it. Chorus: And Marina strived to bring it to perfection. King Paramount: And Lesley kept us all in line. She says, “You little dickens!” Chorus: In short, the rewrite process has transformed the show completely A long-standing tradition of our annual Last Gasp Cast Bash has been Assistant Stage Manager Malka Key’s contribution of a synopsis of our production, sung to the tune of one of the songs from the show. Following our 2024 production of Utopia, Limited, Malka’s sang her latest alternate lyric song, to a very appreciative audience, to the tune of “Society Has Quite Forsaken All its Wicked Courses,” entirely from memory. Utopia’s renewed association Zara comes home with a plot She then proceeds to introduce the Flowers. These reforms they take and run This now brings us back around to Lady Sophy The two Wise Men rabble rouse Malka Key also contributed the following song at the Last Gasp Cast Bash for our 2024 production of Utopia, Limited. Years ago, Malka had worked for the postal service when they received a suggestion that mail delivery might be better accomplished with catapults. In the Utopian spirit of reforming governmental institutions, Malka wrote the following song, sung to the tune of “Society Has Quite Forsaken All its Wicked Courses,” in which she recommended, with good humor, the adoption of this innovative idea. Effecting postal reform with a budget that is balanced, (And they say U.S. students lack in science.) Our mail’s delivered rurally with catapult precision. (As lately we’ve been looked upon in science.) We fling our first-class packages to fields we pre-determine. In short, the postal service has been modernized completely, completely, completely. It really is surprising While most members of the Company would consider themselves enthusiastic Anglophiles … we are also proud to be Minnesotans who can enjoy and celebrate the many wonders of our great and glorious state … primary among them is, of course, walleye fishing! The following alternative lyric song was sung by Waldyn Benbenek and the entire Company, to the tune of “Eagle High,” at the 2008 Last Gasp Cast Bash. The song was revised by Stephen Hage and sung again by Waldyn Benbenek and the entire Company, to the tune of “Eagle High,” at the 2024 Last Gasp Cast Bash. This ceremonial our wish displays Walleye nigh in waterway swimming, Let the walleye, not the minn’r, (minnow) Walleye! Walleye! Walleye then we’ll have today, Walleye, all the way! With cranberries, fresh today. With cranberries, fresh today.
The following alternative lyric song was written by Jim Brooks, and revised by Stephen Hage, was sung to the tune of Captain Corcoran’s solo in the Act II to describe someone who is something of an American icon. Jim sang the song himself at the Company’s 2008 Last Gasp Cast Bash. The revised version of the song was sung by Mary Kettlewell and Riley Webster at the 2024 Last Gasp Cast Bash.
Mary: Good friends, I now present Kentucky’s favorite son.
Whose franchise rates as number one!
He’s known from coast to coast,
And if you’re baffled, you are not alone.
I know with you, he has to pick no bone!
Riley: I’m Colonel Sanders, KFC.
I fry my chicken up real crispy,
And serve it with a side of slaw.
You eat enough, you won’t stay svelte.
On chicken diets, pounds won’t melt.
You’d better loosen up your belt,
When eleven herbs and spices call.
We’ll take your cash or credit cards,
When placing orders try real hard,
Repeat yourself and then repeat some more.
Although we heard the words you spoke,
We know that you can take a joke.
You ordered Sprite and got a Coke,
But we’ll never fry a hen for shore.
Chorus: What never?
Riley: No, never!
Chorus: What never?
Riley: Really never!
Chorus: He will never fry this one, for shore!
Then give three cheers and three cheers more,
For he’ll never fry this chicken at his store.
Then give three cheers and three cheers more,
For he’ll never fry this one, for shore!
(At this point, the GSVLOC chicken was brought out).
Holly Windle wrote a delightful cell phone song for the 2024 production of Utopia, Limited, which was sung by Sarah Brickeen and Rosemary Vega, to the tune of “Although Utopian Maids the Cream.” Unfortunately, during one performance, one audience member apparently didn’t think that the admonition applied to her, as her own cell phone began sounding during a performance and she let it sound for at least half a minute without attempting to silence it. A second woman, who was sitting in the front row at another performance, spent almost all of Act I texting rather than paying any attention to the show. When asked about her behavior later, by the cast member who knew her, she replied that she was ordering chocolates for Dean Laurance, the cast’s most senior member. The chocolates were, in fact, delivered to the theater and to Dean, but few believed that it took her almost all of Act I to place the order!
In recognition of these two events, Holly Windle wrote a variation on the show’s cell phone song for the Last Gasp Cast Bash, once again sung by Sarah Brickeen and Rosemary Vega, to the tune of “Although Utopian Maids the Cream.”
Both: It seems we need to add some things:
If stupidly your cellphone rings,
(This should be plain
To any brain)
Just turn the darn thing off!
And “turn it off” means right away.
(Not rocket science, we should say.)
You make it worse if you delay.
Can you pronounce “dummkopf”?
And should you feel a sudden urge
To buy Dean presents, you can splurge.
But big mistake
Before the break.
He isn’t at Death’s door!
We’ve tried to make our message clear
With humor, though we’re quite sincere.
Is cuteness too distracting here?
Is this too big a chore?
Both: Oh, can it be there still are those
Who keep their cellphones on at shows?
They hear our song, and still do wrong.
So confiscation we’ll impose!
One of the many highlights of our 2024 production of Utopia, Limited were the First Life Guards, who arrived in Utopia and were immediately accosted by the women’s chorus members … not that they really minded! … and, after all, “it’s particularly English” for them to do so. This song, written by Holly Windle, was sung to the tune of “Oh, Maiden Rich in Girton Lore,” by Mary Kettlewell, as Princess Zara, the women’s chorus and the First Life Guard chorus men.
Women: Oh, Princess Z, we welcome you,
And, wow, you’ve brought along a crew
Of hunky guys to thrill our eyes,
And, we surmise, they’re dancers, too.
Now each of us just wants to know
If Captain Fitz is your new beau.
So tell us please if he’s your squeeze.
With details that will make us glow
Now each of us just has to know …
Zara: The years I spent away at school,
Have flown, while I’ve learned with heart and head.
I’m the essence now of super-cool.
Troopers: And we are her escort, men in red!
On the Royal Yacht, we were full of pep,
Ev’ry chance we took to rehearse our step.
We would drill our dance, which can be quite hard,
When the decking slants. (This was no Cunard,)
We don’t complain, for we’re too well-bred,
We are her escort, men in red!
Zara: These gentlemen I now give to you,
Who knows for them what may lie ahead?
But Fitzy, oh, he’s all for me!
Troopers: And we are the escort: men in red!
On the Royal ship, when the day was warm,
We would take a dip, out of uniform.
So you may suppose that it isn’t true
That we wear these clothes all the long day through.
And none of us wears boots in bed.
For we are her escort: men in red!
Men in red, the men in red.
We served as the escort: men in red!
The set for our 2024 production of Utopia, Limited included a couple of long stairway entrances upstage left and right. Both stairways had handrails on stage, but the backstage stairways that took one to the top of the onstage stairways did not. Holly Windle wrote the following song, to the tune of “Upon Our Sea-Girt Land” to express her good-humored frustration with that missing safety feature. It should be noted that our Stage Manager and law school student, PJ Seaberger, pointed out to all assembled that OSHA doesn’t apply when people are not employees, an opinion that was supported by Stephen Hage, a Human Resources professional. Still, we all appreciated Holly’s point, expressed in such a delightful way.
Men: Within our painted set: Women: It’s up the stairs, down the stairs. Both: A major OSHA failing. Men: A major OSHA failing. Women: It’s down the stairs, up the stairs. Both: Where is our backstage railing? The 2024 revised version of Utopia, Limited recast the Utopians as the descendants of English people who had willingly immigrated from England to settle in an island paradise. An early idea for the revision, however, had been that the Utopians were the descendants of survivors of a shipwreck. That idea suggested, at least for members of the GSVLOC who were of a “certain age,” a favorite 1960s sitcom about the adventures of a group of people, castaway on a desert island. So inspired, Wally Benbenek wrote the following alternate lyric song, to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island Theme,” which he sung, at the Last Gasp Cast Bash, along with Joe Andrews, Scott Benson, and Tom Berg, while accompanying them on the accordion!
All: Just sit right back and you hear a tale
A tale that’ll strain your wits
About a great Utopian kingdom
Built by hapless Brits.
Scott: How they ended up on a tropic island
No one’s really sure,
Since they started out from Plymouth
On a three-hour tour.
All: A three-hour tour.
Joe: They built a perfect government
As far as we can tell,
And somehow invented dynamite
Long before Nobel
Tom: They’ve lived five generations
Since they crawled out from the wreck
An astonishing feat since Gilbert’s people
Never have sex.
All: They never have sex.
Scott: They’ve rediscovered England
And they want to modernize.
Though any Brit would surely say
That’s not very wise.
Joe: So, settle in and meet the folks
Who make up this ideal state:
Scott: The golfer girl …
Tom: The dancer too
Scott: The coconut boy
Tom: His sneezy wife,
The bold-faced ranger,
And the thief,
The creditors
Who never get paid.
Scott
and Tom: With lots of other
Powerful singers
Who’ll soon fill up the stage.
Scott: And since the theater’s been redone
With only wholesome plays
Where skimpy costumes are cut out
And only violence stays.
Tom: They’re putting up a new production
In a short, short while,
Joe: Some show about a Scottish headsman
All: Here on Utopia’s Isle
Whether it’s fair or not, tenors often suffer from a reputation of being a bit self-absorbed. This was certainly suggested by Utopia, Limited’s delightful comic song, “A Tenor, All Singers Above.” Joe Allen wrote the following alternate lyric song to that tune for our 2024 Last Gasp Cast Bash. Josh Zapata-Palmer sang the song, while Trenton Johnson acted out the part of a totally self-absorbed tenor, and sang the song’s final high notes.
Josh: A tenor, all singers will bug,
With tales of his roles and his lessons,
Won’t keep himself quiet, out comes steady riot,
Inflating his sonic impressions.
With self, he is madly in love.
It’s certain he’ll tell of his singing,
You’ll act interested, attention divested,
to thoughts of escape you are clinging.
Now distract him with flattery hearty,
While his ego soars over the party,
During pattering humdrum, you solve the conundrum,
A tenor distracts himself for ya,
Now’s your chance,
Trenton sings the high notes!
Josh: You see, he distracts himself for ya!
Claire Bias, the Wardrobe Supervisor for our 2024 production of Utopia, Limited, was kept quite busy with the multiple repairs that kept coming to her attention during the run of the show. She described her efforts in an alternate lyric song that she wrote and sang, with the company joining in, at the 2024 Last Gasp Cast Bash, sung to the tune of “Society Has Quite Forsaken All its Wicked Courses.”
Clair: I am the wardrobe supervisor for this show, Utopia.
Some nights are rather quiet and then some are quite a hoopla.
All: The costumes in Utopia can be fragile!
Clair: We’ve had a few emergencies like Kelly’s shoe strap breaking.
But Ella Rose and super glue our wardrobe they were aiding.
All: On only op’ning weekend for Utopia!
Clair: The fabric of Ms. Kelly’s blue skirt was disintegrating.
Luckily, we found a backup costume that was waiting.
The green dress for our Katherine made issues less frustrating.
All: In short, this happy wardrobe has been supervised completely,
completely, completely …
It really is impressive just how many costume fixes can come up for
a show in a four-week run whether hems or snaps or buttons or
those pesky little zippers it really is impressive, but it all got done!
Clair: The breastplates of the lifeguards were of course no less tragic.
Come lay your breastplate down on my hallway bench of magic!
All: We have a lot of breastplates in Utopia!
Clair: The costumes for the sportswomen were proven to be tricky.
We had to substitute some things with singers feeling sickly.
All: We have a lot of costumes in Utopia!
Clair: Don’t even get me started on those pesky little zippers.
I must have dealt with one of those at least one every weekend.
But bring your costume problems to my trusty little snippers!
All: In short, this happy wardrobe has been supervised completely,
completely, completely…
It really is impressive just how many costume fixes can come up for
a show in a four-week run whether hems or snaps or buttons or
those pesky little zippers it really is impressive, but it all got done!
Hey!
Mallory Rabehl and Ella Rose Katzenberger wrote the following alternate lyric about their roles as the two young princesses Natasha and Katherine, in our 2024 production of Utopia, Limited. The sang the song together, with one line assigned to Lara Trujillo, who had played Lady Sophy in the production, to the tune of “Sisters, Sisters,” from the classic film, White Christmas.
Both: Sisters, sisters, there were never such demure sisters.
Always have to have a chaperone, yes sir
Lara: I’m here to keep my eye on her.
Both: Modest, pure
In every little thing we do, demure.
Ella Rose: When a certain gentleman arrived by boat
Mallory: She tried to flirt and I said no!
Both: All kinds of weather
We stand together,
Displayed like clockwork toys.
The pick of the basket
Of specimens the crackest,
We blush at all the boys.
Both: Musty, fusty
Though our flirting is a little rusty
Two English men we love because they taught us to wear pants.
But, do we quarrel?
That goes against all of our morals.
No, for their dross,
Young princesses will always toss.
The theater can be a magical place! The Company’s 2008 production of Utopia, Limited, for example, transported its audience to a lovely tropical island, with its set of palm trees and beach sand, and a barefooted cast, dressed in sarongs. The reality for the cast members, however, remained the fact that it was the dead of a Minnesota winter outside and the concete floored dressing rooms and backstage areas were poorly heated! The following alternate lyric song, sung to the tune of “Eagle High,” celebrated our Company’s endurance of a cold reality for the sake of the warm illusion created on the stage. King: This ceremonial our wish displays Chorus: Concrete floor is very chilly Stories, stories The following alternative lyric song was written by Jim Brooks, who played with Captain Sir Edward Corcoran, KCB’s, song and knighthood title to describe someone who is something of an American icon. Jim sang the song himself at the Company’s 2008 Last Gasp Cast Bash. Good friends, I now present I’m Colonel Sanders, KFC. While most members of the Company would consider themselves enthusiastic Anglophiles … we are also proud to be Minnesotans who can enjoy and celebrate the many wonders of our great and glorious state … primary among them is, of course, walleye fishing! The following alternative lyric song was sung by Waldyn Benbenek and the entire Company, to the tune of “Eagle High,” at the 2008 Last Gasp Cast Bash. This ceremonial our wish displays Walleye nigh in waterland swimming, Let the walleye, not the minn’r, (minnow) Glory then will crown the day, While the alternate lyric songs sung at the Company’s Last Gasp Cast Bashes are often full of inside jokes about the production, the Company also has something of a tradition of current political satire. One such song, sung to the tune of “I’m Captain Corcoran, K.C.B” was a bit of pointed sarcasm as the expense of Russia’s President Vladimir Putin. I’m V.I. Putin, KGB. And if you disagree with me, I’ll throw you in a Russian jail. While it might seem easy to point barbs at the dictatorial leader of another country, the then current President of the United States had some alternate lyric mockery pointed in his direction too. This song, sung to the tune of “A Man of Autocratic Power, We” served as the company’s “tribute” to President Bush. A man of democratic power he, a leader who’s inclined to bend the law. Yes, yes he’s sure to waterboard all prisoners you want to name. Eight years in office haven’t been so good, economy is just about to crack. Yes, yes, he makes our blood run cold, thank God it’s only one more year. Along with the cast and crew, members of the orchestra also enjoy contributing to the alternate lyric concert, celebrating their contributions to the production. The following alternate lyric song was sung to the tune of “O Make Way for the Wise Men.” O make way for the orch’stra! |